as a telemarketer, you talk to some interesting people. one time i talked to this guy who was hella bummed on life (i'm not a doctor, but i think it qualified as severe depression). after 5 minutes of leading me on, i finally did a hard sell move on him and he said he didn't want to buy but if i hung up he'd kill himself. i then gently informed him that company policy states that if he didn't buy our product, he'd be dead to me anyway.
the guy sounded fat, and i knew this cuz after talking to hundreds of people a day on the phone, you notice when 2 minutes into a conversation someone starts breathing heavy, and they ask you to call em back so they can catch their breath. this dude was heaving up a storm, so i ask him if he's fat, and he says he's "mildly overweight," to which i respond "just mildly overweight? fat chance fat ass, why don't you do me a favor and either buy my product or lower your community's carbon footprint by killing yourself. just make sure you don't do it by slitting your wrists, your arteries are so clogged it may take a month for you to bleed out. now i'll give you one more chance you lethargic loser, do you want to buy our self help book or not? no? wouldn't have helped anyway, enjoy the afterlife, here's hoping you slim down so you can fit through the gates of hell!"
i was let go two days later.
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